Top 5 Lines Christian Guys Dread to Hear

Let me preface this by saying, this is not a whine fest. In reality it’s my attempt at comedy, using real life example from my past, in the hopes that other Christian guys and girls for that matter can relate to.

5. “I think that you’re a really great “friend!””
So I know at every point someone that you like has put you in the “friend zone.” The black hole of social confusion. I don’t get it. Every successful couple when asked, “What’s the secret to your relationship?” Somewhere on their list is “we’re each others’ best friend.” The killer part is once in the zone, there’s no escape. To be honest I feel it’s a fall back plan for when a girl gets to know you and then realizes that an easy way to remove herself is by dubbing the relationship as friends only. I have a friend who believes that no guy and girl can be friends without one of them having stronger feelings. As much as I hate to agree with zed friend, it’s true, and 8 times out of 10 it’s the guy who feelings are accentuated.

4. “Why can’t I find a single Christian guy?”
SCENE: GUY IN CHAIR WRITING THIS BLOG ENTRY STRAIGHTENS UP IN HIS SEAT, CLEARS HIS THROAT AND WRITES…
I’m right here!
It’s frustrating to say the least when a girl comes up to you and asks where all the single Christian guys are, knowing perfectly well that she’s addressing one. Albeit these guy-girl interactions are rare, because most girls don’t divulge feelings like that to guys unless they’re in the “friend zone” (see entry #5). In my experience with this one liner happened with a girl who of course was the girl I had my eye on.

3. “Oh, I thought this was just hanging out one on one.”
So FYI if a Christian guy asks a Christian girl to hang out one-on-one: for a cup of coffee, to go see a movie, to come over and bake banana bread or even to go to church (be careful with the church one, it’s the one exception where pleading ignorance is OK), it’s more likely than not that the guy is interested in getting to know you for a potential relationship.
Now two things are either happening here. 1. The girl knows what’s happening and when the guy asks if she’d like to go out on a date, she pretends this request came out of nowhere and she needs time to think, when in reality she knew all along and just established for herself that she’s not interested or 2. She doesn’t know the protocol for a one-on-ones and in which case might actually need some time.
But for Heaven’s sake girls please don’t say yes to a guy and then text him the next day and say I wasn’t sure what you were asking yesterday, but I’m not interested (true story). It takes a lot for me or any Christian guy for that matter to gather the courage to ask a girl out, especially if he’s been praying on it for a while, so for common courtesy, just say, “It was nice to get to know you, but I’m just not interested.” Direct and honest, that’s all I ask for.

Guys, wait five minutes for them to leave and then run home and cry.

2. “That wasn’t a sign; I was just loving on you as a sister in Christ.”
I’m going to start this one by asking some basic questions…
-If a girl casually strokes your arm, is that loving on me like a sister in Christ?
-If a girl says after having a conversation with you that she has something to dream about now, is that loving on me like a sister in Christ?
-If a girl says that the only reason that she’ll go the conference is because I’ll be there (forget the idea of getting closer to God), is that loving on me like a sister in Christ?
If the answer to all these questions is yes, then please ignore the rest of this. That to me is the hardest thing about hanging out with member of the opposite sex within the body of Christ. Christian girls are always nice to you. Even if they can’t stand you, they put up that façade that appears as if she treasure the fact that you’re a part of her life. Whereas non-Christian girls, if they don’t like you, they let you know quick. There are more signs for non-Christian guys that there’s a green light on the situation.
And then when a Christian guy acts on what he takes for a sign, she simply can say that “I was loving on you like Christ would.” Now I have a great relationship with Jesus, but I hope when I reach the pearly gates that he doesn’t casually strokes my arm as he welcomes me in.
My point is that Christian girls have a wider berth for establishing whether or not she likes a guy, she can get away with more because of that loving nature of Christianhood. Double standard?.. I think so.

1. “You’re such a strong Christian guy, I’m just not physically attracted to you.”
I’m going to keep this one simple. Come up with another reason. Any one of the previous four would be better. And not that I’m saying physical attractiveness isn’t important, but it shouldn’t be the upfront reason.

8 responses

  1. This is Chris. Yes, we can comment on our own posts.

    I really enjoyed Paris’ Top 5 because they are pretty different from mine, which I hope demonstrates our different life experiences, as well as our different styles of writing. Having known Paris for a while, I was glad to see that he opened up about some of these experiences and shared from his mind and heart.

    As I read these lines over and over again, I can’t help but laugh at some of them. Not because I’m making fun of him, but because I can relate to him, even if these lines were never used on me. Being turned down by a girl is tough, no matter how she pads the blow. And while it cannot, by any means, be easy to be a single Christian girl these days, I hope readers see that it’s also not easy being a single Christian guy. We battle peer pressure, societal ideals, and biological challenges, it seems, almost hourly.

    And yes, I’m the friend he is referring to in Line #5. Gotta love the respect. ;)

  2. Pingback: the singlextianguy blog | the view from her

  3. These were great! Thanks for posting them. Ouch! I can’t believe a girl would SAY number 4 to a single guy! I say that, a lot, because it really is true. I know maybe two single guys, but they aren’t Christians. And I say that to my married friends or girlfriends. On behalf of that girl, I am sorry. Glad to find your blog by the way!! It is encouraging to know that statement isn’t completely true. :)

  4. Great blog. Please give me more advice on your #1, as I just turned down a dear friend for this very reason. I have the utmost respect for his intellect and spirituality, but… There is zero chemistry. And I struggle with lust like a guy might. I actually consulted a Christian counselor on it, and she said relationships lacking in physical attraction are destined for future sexual dysfunction. So if you want a sexually fulfilling marriage, I suspect it might be wise to accept the importance of this condition. Remember, everyone is someone’s type. Plus- I don’t exactly see Christian guys falling over themselves to ask out the less attractive but gentler-spirited girls I know.

  5. Well I don’t know about your last couple of sentences as it applies to sexual dysfunction, I’ll just take the counselor’s word for it. But my advice, like I said maybe brutal honesty isn’t the best route, but you can be subtle about it. There’s no easy way, but for my liking some variation of: “You truly are a man of God, and he has a great love story for you, I’m just not sure that I’m meant to take part in that story with you. The woman he’s going to bless you with far surpasses my compatibility with you, so while you may see me as someone who works well with you, God has someone else in mind.” It still might hurt, but in all honesty a true God-inspired love story lack nothing in terms of chemistry, it is the ultimate science experiment! And being upfront with him will not only protect his heart, but yours as well. Good luck!

  6. So I know I’m stumbling upon this A LOT later lol but I really liked this post. I understand the Christian perspective from the young woman point of view so it’s nice to read what a Christian guy is thinking. I can understand why a Christian girl might ask where the good Christian guys are; I know I have (not to a good Christian guy’s face though haha). I really meant, “Where is that one guy who is right for me?”. But you’re right … honesty is the way to go. Just make it plain!

  7. Goodness Idk what religion exactly you are but I’m Baptist and I grew up with the 6 inch rule where there should be 6 inches between you and a member of the opposite sex at all times unless your doing something like a prayer circle. Girls if you think that some Guy is the one God put in your Life for you then by all means injoy his company but don’t touch! a casual stroke on the arm is enough to take him from interested to creeped out trust me. And another thing if you don’t feel God in your relationship. If he dose not see things the way you do, if he is trying to pull u out of God’s will instead of help you farther in … now listen. Close. He’s not your. Man! Two can not walk together unless they be agreed

  8. hi Single Christian Guy,
    i really enjoyed reading your article. it was informative, true and had a lot of humor to it. thanks for sharing.

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